I AM excited. For the past 2 years, my life has been a mess! Divorced from a not healthy, loveless marriage. I was homeless for a few months and to top it off, I suddenly had all the memories coming back when I was raped extensively as a child. God has taken me on a journey, and its only beginning!
I BELIEVE that God is real! Also that we create and are responsible for EVERYTHING in our lives. That’s the gift He gives us! I also believe in magic and miracles. In 24 days I’m flying to Ireland, to meet the man I’m about to marry. The man of my dreams who I haven’t even met yet, haven’t even talked to, well, conventionally, and I have never been more excited!
It took me a bit but after finding out I had psychic abilities, I stopped feeling like a freak show and accepting it as normal. A man named Jim is where it all started. I originally met him in a mastermind group through a company worked for. After a few sessions, I sent this man a friend request. He said something to me I’ll never forget. “You can talk to me about anything.” At the time, I thought that that was kind of an odd thing to say. I found myself taking him up on this, I didn’t think anything at the time, after all, he was 20 years my senior. Just a nice OLD man. After a few messages, he asked me if I would be open to a conversation. I agreed. Shortly after that, I felt a flash of love in my heart and my life would never be the same. That’s when a lot of my abilities came out.
I’m not sure exactly how the flash happened but essentially after that, I was doing and saying things that didn’t make any sense. I found out this man had my same birthday within hours of each other but again, about 20 years apart. SO many other similarities. That’s when the term “twin flame” first came up. His name on facebook was James and after a while, it became who I knew him as. He was the first James. I fell in love with the name, I just liked saying it.
Things didn’t end well. I could always tell he was “entertaining” other women. It was fine. Everyone deserves to be happy. I wish him all the best but I had to put myself first, and I was NEVER going to settle. I just could never seem to get rid of him, I always felt myself being drawn and “called” back to this man and I didn’t know why. My first book was started because of James 1 and our relationship and it kind of expanded.
The second was an Irish man, also 20 or more years my senior. This one was different. He came almost a year after my divorce. All I wanted was to build my business. I finally blocked the first James and my goal was to build an Irish team, so I went into groups and started networking.
JF was his screen name, however, when I asked him what it stood for, it was James. I’m pretty sure I tried to block him at the time. Mostly because he’d said some pretty rude things to me. Also sent me some pretty disturbing poetry for which was the main reason for blocking. Just like the first, I was drawn back in.
This one was an entirely different experience, he started introducing me to the psychic and energy world. I had psychic abilities. There was no denying it. It was a strange world. My reality was changing daily. There were times I thought that I was going crazy. I developed a strong relationship with God. I had to rely entirely upon Him.
J.F. told me things about my life that I had no idea of. Including the first thing which was what happened to me, happens to prisoners of war. I didn’t understand or believe him at the time, however, MONTHS later, after keeping me in his imaginary world for a while, he would shed some light on the abuse that I suffered as a child. This James was also more like me. He was the only one that could cause physical harm to me.
After the first 2 James’ I avoided and wouldn’t even accept a friend request from any Jim, James, or any variation thereof. I got on dating sites and tried to find a partner in crime, a best friend. My heart just wasn’t in it. I wasn’t normal and so trying to pretend to be so that I could fit in and find a “normal” man just wasn’t going to work for me.
Then there was Kevin, he kinda came out of nowhere and blindsided me. I told him that I was going to put 1,000,000 dollar price tag on my head. After everything that I’d endured, I was not going to settle for a normal life.
One thing that I learned was to watch MY behavior around men. Especially men with “abilities”. With Kevin, I couldn’t say no to him. I didn’t want to talk to him but felt I couldn’t refuse him. He was always getting “pinged” when we were getting on the phone. This was the second time I felt a flash of love in my heart. Then I was in love. After that I blocked him and then I got mad. I called him up and asked him HOW he did it. He also tried to “help me,” He told me to get rid of guilt shame and fear
Kevin would always try and tell me he was 45. There was no way. He also always sounded so scripted and at one point he said something to me, He said he had to talk to me this way or I wouldn’t like him. With Kevin. I was trying DESPERATELY to get to Ireland. I decided to ask him where Id fly into if I was coming to see him. He said Shannon airport so I decided to google so that I could have a reference. When Isaw it, I can’t explain but I KNEW that that was where I was supposed to go, although I didn’t know why.
Then there was the time that I went to San Diego. Kevin called me on the way there. I didn’t like it at the time but I always felt there was something significant about Kevin being with me on this trip. I told him so too.
When I was trying to put pictures on my vision board of what airport that I would be flying into, Kevin was the one that told me Shannon airport. When I googled the pictures, it was as if I’d been there before. James 3 went by the name Kevin. And he was with me that night. That night that I went to “Ireland” to stand on a cliff overlooking that ocean and went to an Irish pub. which are the only things I said I wanted to do when I went to Ireland?
I started to accept and embrace my abilities. Most of my friends and family thought that I was crazy. If I was then so it. I had woken up. I could NOT settle for a normal life. THAT was crazy. I found quickly that people wanted to dismiss what makes them uncomfortable. It shocked them. I wanted to shock people. That was the only way to wake people up.
Dating was something I never thought I wanted. Or getting married. I used to have this conversation with my ex-husband. If anything happened I’d get money and that’s what I thought I wanted. Until James. The love was so strong! I KNEW I couldn’t live without it again and I knew I wouldn’t settle. I kept saying that I wanted to build my business but what was the purpose of it. The purpose of my business was so I could have an income so that I could be free to live, and to love. I had made the decision I wanted a relationship.
A mentor once told me, what you resist persists and so after blocking everyone named James, and not meeting anyone else after talking to over 100 men, I realized that It was probably a James that I was supposed to meet. After all, I did chose to talk to the first two. I un-blocked the first two to prove that I wasn’t afraid or feel like I was a victim.
I started following what I knew was right. Doing all the things my mentors and books would teach me. I first bought the ring on amazon. Then I made space for a man in my life. I gave him a space in my closet and my bathroom. What else would I do if I were going to be married? I had to convince myself. I also got the inspiration to buy myself a Claddagh ring. I bought a card announcing my love and I got a gift bag like I was getting a wedding gift. I started habits. Like going to the temple on Friday nights. I wanted to go with my spouse. So I took myself. Acting AS IF! BELIEVING!
There was a voice, an energy that had been with me for a while. I always thought that it was James 2. He had been there for a while, I just thought it was JF. I went to the temple a while ago and got the inspiration that a man was waiting for me and that he was Irish and his name was James.
I made the decision and bought a Claddagh ring. That’s when James Kevin came more into my awareness. At first, he couldn’t see me, I couldn’t see him either. Then I got the feeling love is blind. He couldn’t “see” any of my flaws. I let him dance with me which is HUGE. I found out that his middle name was Kevin and I almost died. HOWEVER, things suddenly made more sense about OLD Kevin and my relationship. Kevin, which was a “real” person I met on facebook would always say the oddest things to me. For instance, he was 45. There was NO WAY he was 45!
He had been helping me this whole time. I first noticed him one time in Phoenix when I was visiting my kid, I thought his name was Dave. I felt him again a little bit after I got to Utah. We started “talking” in my head. and I could hear him. Then I started to “see” him. I could see what he was doing. Feel where he was. It was the oddest thing.
A couple of years ago I had a dream about the man that I was supposed to marry. I could see almost everything but I couldn’t see his face. He suggested going through dating apps so he could give me an idea of what he looked like. I knew he was 45 and 6’2 1/2 lol dark hair and blue eyes. He had calm, fun energy.
Proposing to me every day in my head. I’d hear my name, Lisa Marie. I could tell his energy. He’d always ask me. Lisa Marie, please ma’am, will you marry me. I’d always say yes but the resistance was always there. He’d also want me to go try on wedding dresses, and go shopping for which I hated, however afterward it all made sense. Somehow my brain clicked. I was so happy! A few friends of mine have commented that they didn’t remember me being this happy with my first marriage. I don’t either.
He’d put images in my mind to try and make me laugh. I was highly skeptical of men after the first few experiences and. I was getting to know him. Without sex getting involved. I found myself thinking about him when he was busy. Due to the time difference, I’d wake him up at night to talk. How the man Was functioning at all I had no idea.
There were some weird conditions I had when it came to the man I was going to marry. I had to be able to eat around him, we had to be able to take road trips together and he had to take me dancing. I always used to say that the man I’m supposed to marry would take me dancing, Without me asking. One night while I was having a conversation with this man he took me in his arms and held me and we danced. It’s weird and not weird for me to say these things but the memories are as real as if they happened.
I was highly skeptical that he was JF because he called me Lisa Marie. Only Jf did that and only Jf adored me. I also felt like he was JF because we only talked in my head. Then there were the times that JF put images in my head of Renee, my youngest daughter telling me she was proud of me. And also, Dave or James Kevin, or whoever it was wanting me to believe it was my James, telling me that he was going to send me money. That my life was in danger. That I needed to have my bags packed. He showed me the flight number, etc. It never happened.
All I knew was that when I started thinking about James Kevin it made me happy, that when I started thinking about having more babies with James, someone that loved and adored me, it made me happy .i wanted that experience. I lived 20 years in a loveless affectionless marriage. I knew that I couldn’t and would never have a normal life, WOULD never settle for ANYTHING other than REAL LOVE. Where would you go for love? I knew that I was willing to go to Ireland to get it. I trusted myself and I knew that I trusted God. He put this man in my life for a reason.
A test of faith I think for both of us. I had no idea what, but there were things that I had to do. EVERYTHING in the world seemed to be keeping me from getting to Ireland, so I KNEW I had to go. It was time to trust. In God I trust. He was showing me that In SO many ways that I was on the right path.
When I was 21 my mom passed away. I got the saddest feeling that she never got to go to Ireland. We never talked about it, in fact, I never THOUGHT about it until that moment. I dismissed it. A few years before my divorce, I was walking down the street and the same feelings. I just started to break down crying that my mom never got to go to Ireland. The only reason I can think of why this could be. My dad passed when I was 7 and she was devastated. The one thing that she said she was holding on for was to see me married and having babies.
I bought my tickets to Ireland and will be flying to Shannon to meet my destiny. So excited about this new adventure. I said to a friend, You only live once! She said back to me Every day is a new day. We need to stop living mundane lives and start having more adventures and fun! Is there the possibility that this man will not show up? Absolutely not. I have learned to trust myself and my instincts and have faith.
After all of the abuse that I’ve gone through I could have CHOSEN to victimize myself and become a man-hater. Say things like maybe it’s not meant for me to have a relationship in this life. I hear this all the time from people. Also that it’s better to be alone, mostly for the purpose of finances and I am going to say that that’s SHIT….
God doesn’t want us to be alone. We just have to work on ourselves, Become that type of person that we would love to have in our lives and keep going in faith EXPECTING it to happen. Love is the most amazing thing and is worth the risk, EVERY SINGLE TIME.
The elephant in the room. — Some people think I’m crazy for going to Ireland to meet a man that has only been a “voice” in my head. He has also been in my heart. Let them call me crazy. I’m taking a chance at a life most people will only wish for. I am living an adventure and its so much fun!
Why do I tell my story? I want to see people having more passion in life, more adventures, I want to be the possibility, I am! Take some chances, have some faith!!! Get out and LIVE!